Reclaiming Yourself After Religious Trauma

Written By Nicole Blakesley

You were told who you had to be.
What to believe.
How to dress, think, love—even how to feel.

Maybe you grew up in a high-control religious group, or a spiritual community that claimed to offer salvation—but demanded your silence, your obedience, and your authenticity in return.

And maybe, for a long time, you believed it—because it was all you ever knew.
Until it started to hurt.

You Are Not Broken

There is nothing wrong with you.
There is something wrong with the systems that taught you love meant erasure.
That belonging required submission. That curiosity was rebellion.

What Is Religious Trauma?

Religious trauma isn’t just about disagreeing with doctrine.
It’s about the deep wounds left behind when religion is used as a tool of control, fear, and shame.

You may have experienced:

  • Fear-based teachings: eternal punishment, spiritual warfare, or sin-based identity

  • Purity culture: where your worth was tied to virginity, modesty, and gender roles

  • High-control groups or cults: rigid rules, isolation from “outsiders,” or absolute loyalty to leaders

  • Spiritual abuse: manipulation, gaslighting, or coercion from those in religious authority

  • Excommunication or rejection: especially after coming out or asking hard questions

These systems don’t just ask for belief—they demand compliance.
And they often leave lasting effects on your mind, body, and relationships.

For LGBTQIA2S+ Survivors, the Wounds Run Deep

If you're queer and were raised in a religious environment that condemned or erased your identity, you may carry a unique kind of grief.

You were told your love was sinful. Your body dangerous. Your truth something to be prayed away.

And even now, you might still hear the echoes:

  • “I’m too much.”

  • “There’s something wrong with me.”

  • “I’ll never be worthy of love.”

These messages aren’t the truth—they’re trauma.
And healing means gently unlearning those lies and making space for the wholeness that’s always been there.

Signs You Might Be Carrying Religious Trauma

Even if you’ve left the faith community that harmed you, religious trauma can linger in subtle and not-so-subtle ways:

  • Guilt or fear around sex, identity, or questioning beliefs

  • Panic, shame, or dissociation in religious spaces

  • Difficulty trusting your instincts or setting boundaries

  • A deep sense of loss, confusion, or meaninglessness

  • Fear of punishment or people-pleasing rooted in past conditioning

You are not overreacting. These are valid trauma responses to systems that taught you to distrust yourself.

What Healing Can Look Like

Healing from religious trauma isn’t about adopting new beliefs—it’s about reclaiming your right to believe in yourself.

In therapy, we might explore:

  • Grieving what was lost—and honoring what you’ve survived

  • Reclaiming your body, voice, and desires from shame

  • Learning to feel safe in your own skin and inner world

  • Exploring creativity and self-expression as tools for freedom

  • Rebuilding your spirituality (or not) on your own terms

This work takes time. But it’s possible. And you don’t have to do it alone.

A Final Word

Religious trauma is real. Spiritual abuse is real.
But so is your strength. So is your voice. So is your right to heal.

If any of this resonates, know that you’re not alone in this wilderness.
There’s life—and love—on the other side.

If any part of this resonated, know that you’re not alone—and you don’t have to carry it by yourself.

I offer LGBTQIA2S+ affirming, trauma-informed therapy for folks navigating religious trauma and spiritual abuse.

Sessions are available online across Colorado or in person in Colorado Springs—whatever feels safest and most supportive for you.



Nicole Blakesley